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Analyze This: Underworld as Miscegenation Allegory

A few nights ago The Boy and I were bored and wanting to watch something stupid in bed that it would be okay if we fell asleep during. So, we pulled out our copy of Underworld, the Crow/Matrix-copying vampire versus werewolf flick that is much more badass that Bella mooning over Edward. I mean, not that it’s a good movie. Kate Beckinsale looks hot and badass in that suit that prolly gave her a yeast infection for a year and it has Michael Sheen in it! Plus, Bill Nighy? Always a win. Sure Ben from Felicity is cast as doctor (once again) and I’m like, dude can barely speak full sentences, no way he’d do well in a medical school interview, but overall, nice cast.

Anyhow, the quality (of lack therefore of) is not the point of this at all. It’s that when watching it, it occurred to me that it’s an allegory for miscesgentation, particularly that between a lording class (Vampires or, say Southern plantation owners) and enslaved peoples (Werewolves or, you know, enslaved African-Americans). The war that continues to wreak havoc between the two immortal species, who share a common evolutionary ancestor, is because a werewolf loved and mated with a vampire. The vampire’s father thinks this is an abomination, a dirtying of their bloodline, a threat to their very species, so he kills his daughter. Obviously her lover is angered and rises up against his servitude and then shit hits the fan. Next thing you know, you have lots of leather capes and people with guns and their best “stern serious face” and slow-motion fighting scenes. What a world, what a world!!!!!

The film comes firmly down on the “race-mixing is okay!” and “but what about love?” side of things. I mean, there’s not only a new Vampire/Werewolf love, but a mixed baby of sorts. WHO HAPPENS TO BE BETTER AND STRONGER AND AWESOMER THAN THE TWO SPECIES!! Could this movie be anymore clear? I mean, yeah, it probably could since it’s kinda confusing and not that well written… I’m not sure whether the writers of this series intended to make this kinda of “we should all get along”/”world peace” statement via Vampires and Lycans, but there ya go.

Intentional or not, it’s better than me realizing the film is on the side of justifying genocide and master races… Cause then I would be forced to know that Michael Sheen was in a movie that was uncool and I’d have to stop crushing on him. Oh, wait…

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The Big Picture: Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

❆ ❆ ❆ 3 Mittens ❆ ❆ ❆

(Spoilers!)

Last night, The Boy and I finally got around to watching David Fincher’s The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I had waited to see it because I kept wanting to read the book. I have this thing about reading books before seeing movie adaptations… However, I’ve tried three times to get through Stieg Larsson’s runaway hit and I just can’t. I don’t know if it’s the translation making some of the phrasing a bit odd for me or the fact that Mikael just isn’t that interesting a character and he’s in the first part of the book.

After seeing the movie, I definitely think the latter is true. If it weren’t for the natural charisma of Daniel Craig, I would really give a flying fuck about Mikael and his journalistic issues. There’s a reason that Lisbeth Salander is the titular girl with the dragon tattoo. She is an amazing character, played brilliantly by the Oscar-nominated newcomer Rooney Mara. Lisbeth has had a hard life, filled with violence and mental illness and, some have argued, autism. She has been touted as a feminist hero, though that can also be argued, especially since she takes revenge upon her rapist by raping him. I have to say, those scenes were really hard to watch. Raping your rapist makes you a rapist. That’s not okay, in any moral world. It just keeps the rape happening. Though, the outward marking of him as a perpetrator of violence against women was an interesting revenge fantasy played out, since so many rapists walk free and you can’t tell by “looking” at someone. Also, the massive amount of violence against women, detailed and shown in photographs and flashbacks, seemed to want to be a part of some anti-misogynist statement, yet is very much based on a misogynist form of storytelling.
Continue reading

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Well Read(?): Fifty Shades of Grey

❆ 1/2 Mitten ❆

Well friends, I am a really nice person. Like, the best person ever. Why, you ask? Because I read Fifty Shades of Grey, so you don’t have to. I mean, unless you wanna read really poorly written smut based on Twilight. Then, by all means, this is the book for you.

I’m not really sure where to begin. I guess with a little about the book. Written by some British lady named E.L. James, apparently the story began as Twilight fan fiction and then, with some name changes, an underground ebook hit. Oh and part of this new fad called “Mommy Porn,” and appeals, I guess, to all the Twi-hard mothers out there who got kicks out of Stephanie Meyer’s chastity-based series. The ‘Bella’ of Fifty Shades is a literature student named Anastasia who has is a virgin and has no idea that any boys have every liked her. Just like Bella in Twilight who cannot fathom why she’s worth existing or talking to until Edward likes her. Actually, until she becomes a vampire and awesomely sparkly. Christian (Edward), is a wealthy billionaire who is young and sexy and into BDSM. And so begins a true love story of our time, when klutzy brunette interviews sexypants Christian, make his dingle dangle point towards her like due north. By “true love story” I obviously mean kinda graphic sex scenes punctuated by really stupid plots about drug addict mothers, feelings, and vengeful bosses.  Continue reading

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KWM Original: Knope/Taylor 2012 Encore Presentation

Since Buddy Garrity was on last night’s Parks and Recreation, I just had to share my Knope/Taylor 2012 illustration. Clearly Parks and Recreation loves it some Friday Night Lights… as it should.

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About Last Night: Parks and Recreation

Season 4, Episode 20, 4/26/2012 (“The Debate”)

Bobby: By the year 2013, we will have a fully functioning mall on Jupiter

First off, did you know that Amy Poehler wrote and directed last night’s episode? I didn’t! Go Amy! Starring, writing, and making other people do what you want. ::tips sneaking around clothes hat::

Too bad it was a somewhat uneven episode. ::sad face:: Paul Rudd’s much-anticipated return as Bobby Newport did not disappoint. Mainly because he didn’t disappoint at the debate, which was a nice bit of tension. He came off as charming and sweet and Leslie as mean and aggressive. That is until he threatened that Pawnee’s biggest employer Sweetums would leave for Mexico if he didn’t win. Leslie, who had been holding back her attacks (and making me genuinely nervous for her), let it all lose with a speech that gave me goosebumps and caused her opponent to stupidly applaud her and get misty-eyed. Man, that guy is dumb as rocks. And oh so cute.  Continue reading

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